A Very Messy Christmas Miracle
by dennisud
Summary: Two very different people make their way home together on Christmas Eve. Then all Hell breaks Loose!


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Disclaimers: 

Neon Genesis Evangelion and all related characters, concepts, etc., are property of ADVision and Gainax. I only **wish** they were mine. 

An Evangelion Christmas story

Title: **A Very Messy Christmas Miracle**

A/N: This will be mostly a dialogue-based story not much narrative. Also, this is not pre-read so please keep that in mind. You have been warned.

It was a sleet filled Christmas eve night in the year 2020, a lone car slouched through a lonely mountainous highway heading for a city brightening up the blurry sky as the two occupants inside were having a boisterous discussion.

"Who the hell taught you to drive moron?" A red-faced woman with equally red hair said.

"Hopefully no one related to you, ya red demon!" was the reply from a rather tall Japanese man wearing a 'Tokyo-2-U Track Team' jacket.

The woman swore under her breath. "Just my luck, instead of the baka, I have the moron king of Japan."

"I heard that Devil-girl. Ya better stop yappin or you might find yer self flying wit out the aide of a plane!" Roared the male driver back at his peeved female passenger.

"Oh, really Dumkaoph! Tell me Einstein how can you do that bit of physical dexterity while driving a car in the sleet on a winding road!" The woman said in a louder voice.

The man looked at his passenger. "Look Red, I've just about had enough of your"

"WATCH OUT FOR THE CLIFF YOU IDIOT!" The woman said in a now frightened voice. The man luckily swerved in time and drove the car back onto the road.

After a few minutes of both calming down they shot each other an equal set of dirty looks.

"See what ya made me do, now shut yer yap and let me drive!" The man said firmly while still keeping his eyes on the road.

"Well ok. " She said in a gruff tone. "I'll keep quiet just get me home so I can calm down. I don't wanna have any more accidents before we get there."

"Agreed, I don't want them both to jump on my case if that hap"

"YEEEEEAAAAAH! That huuuurrrts!" The woman yelled grabbing her rather engorged stomach. A sort of spolt sound was then heard and the man said, "Oh Shit, My car! You just had to do that in my car didn't Ya!"

"Did you think had a choice You Moron! I Yeeeeaaaahhh Damn this definitely sucks!"

"So you're having them contrictions right!"

"That's Contractions You sorry excuse for a man!" Then she eyed him narrowly. "Here let me give you a taste of what I'm going through!" She then grabs him in a place he only let his Doctor and a certain someone grab.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTT, That HURTS!"

He swerves the car but got it back on the right side of the road just as a passing truck goes in the opposite direction. "What Ja do that for?" He said in a rather high-pitched sweeky voice.

"Ha ha, they always said men can't handle pain like women do. Well I guess their JEEZE NOT AGAIN! YEEEAAAHHH!" She shrieks out in pain as they now reach the outskirts of Tokyo-2. Lucky for the driver she grabs on the door hand rest this time, which is now being reshaped by said screaming woman. 

The man looks a little nervous, "Listen, we're just about 10 minutes from the main hospital so call him now and let him know what's going on." The driver said as the sleet was letting up a bit and he could see more down the road.

"How can I do that with these Contrac tions hitting me every 5 minutes!"

She said in a now ragged voice and a scathing look. 

He looked at her and finally sympathized. "Look, red just hit his speed dial number an I'll talk to him you just concentrate on not having that kid in my car."

"Gee, thanks I didn't know your car was more important to you than my child!" She groused. But he shook his head and replied, " No, Dummy, wouldn't you rather have the baby in an emergency room where it's clean and they're prepared for this sort of thing! Or is my car's floor board a better option?" 

She looked at him finally registering what he was saying. "Ok, I'll try to keep things from progressing but you better get me there in one piece."

Sure Red just promise me that you help pay for cleaning my car and I'll call it even."

He smiled and snickered while her faced turned red with anger then she got a surprised look. "Ahh I think you'd better floor it I think it's coming!"

"What NOW! OH Jeez ya had to do that now didn't Ja!"

He floored it and was talking on the phone to another male voice seemingly more distraught than his current female passenger. Luck though was with them as they pulled up to the Emergency room entrance.

"Then as he was helping her out did a new problem arose. "Hey butt-head, tell me what does the hospital name say?"

"Tokyo-2 General. So?"

"I'm supposed to deliver at Tokyo-2 WEST! Dipshit!" She grabbed a handful of his hair and was yanking him back and forth as they both yelled on due to a baby coming, the other to the sudden loss of a clump of hair off the top of his head.

Then the emergency room attendants took her away on a gurney they grabbed him as he was back on the phone talking to his friend. "Yeah I goofed up were at Tokyo-2 General. 

Yeah, I'm with her bud no she seems to be in good hands what I don't know when it will come, but but but ok I'll stay with her till you arrive, Just get over here quick. She gave me a forced um hair trimmin and I don't want to lose anything else off my bod man! Yeah I'll leave the info at the emergency room front desk. Listen I gotta go their calling me. Ok bye!

A few minutes later, in the labor room,

"Wait, what are YOU doing here?" His former female passenger yelled as he walked into the room.

"Your better half asked me to keep an eye on ya till he got here."

"Where is that Baka now?"

"On his way but it IS the rush hour, so I'd say to you to keep a cork on till he gets here."

"A CORK? Is that all you can say you unintelligible excuse for a flea's brain!"

"Huh?" He looked a bit like hound dog with a runny nose.

"There proved my point Exac! YEAHHHH, I think it's gonna come right NOW!"

"What? Ya gotta be kiddin." He turned to the Doctor who now was situated in a catcher's stance right in front of the now screaming woman.

"That's right" the Doctor said, "It is coming and All you have to do is support your wife."

He grabbed the doctor from his kneeling position averting a rather clear view of her more private regions and headed for a corner of the room. "She's NOT my wife. She's my best friend's wife. The only reason I'm here is because I had to pick her up from his sister's house!" The Doctor gave him a puzzled look but went on anyway.

He carefully pried the man's fingers from his hospital shirt "Oh, Well then just help her out till he shows up. You have to be supportive, or there could be complications in her labor. So be nice to her and encourage her when I ask her to push understand?"

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean I have to like it." The male friend said.

They both returned to the woman who was on the birthing table already going through another contraction. "So you finish your little conference dipstick!"

"Hey watch the name callin, I'm here to help ya till Shinji comes!"

"That's the problem Touji, Shinji did come nine months ago and now he's not here to help me with THIS!" Asuka now looked tired and a bit scared. 

Touji did notice as he patted her hand. "Listen Red, He'll be here in plenty of time and if you need to pinch, scream at, hit, or otherwise, you can do that to me till he arrives. OK wit you?" 

Yeah thanks stooge, I'll hold you to that!" A smiling Asuka said as the next ten minutes Touji Suzahara was put through the ringer the likes of which even a seasoned spy would have winced at. Finally a certain Shinji Ikari came running into a certain maternity room and saw his beat up and bruised friend on the floor as then looked up to the sweat stained but smiling face of his wife straining for that final push to bring his child into the world.

A few minutes later,

As the wail of a newborn was heard through the closed door behind him, Touji found his wife holding his 2-month-old daughter outside of the room as the newest Ikari was born.

Seeing his smiling wife's face Tougi simply nodded and heard her say. "I'm so proud of you T-chan." She hugged him carefully already figuring out that he had various bruises and pitch marks around his arms and chest.

"Yeah I survived Typhoon Asuka in one piece." He said to his wife as she then handed him his daughter Aisha. He finally remembered these pains were nothing as when 2 months previous his daughter was born. Then the door opening behind them made them all turn. They saw a glowing Asuka being wheeled out with Shinji beside her and a little bundle in her arms. As one family looked at the other, Asuka motioned Touji to come to her; she asked Shinji to stand with Hikari and had his tall friend lean down to her. She then spoke quietly to him

"I want to thank you for getting me through this Touji-san." Touji for his part was a bit stunned at the word of thanks from the one person he'd thought he'd never hear that from.

"Ah you welcome Asuka, Just take care of yourself and"

"Him, the baby's a he, and his name is Shiro Touji Ikari. Nice ring to it don't you think?"

Touji was now speechless. His best friend's first born had his name. Touji then did something, which even stunned Asuka. He stood up tall and bowed deeply. "Thank you Asuka, I am honored."

Asuka quietly nodded and then signaled for Shinji to follow the gurney to her room as she waved to the Suzahara's and smiled at the dopey grin on one Touji Suzahara, while her best friend was silently crying for her friends new addition, and for her husband.

Yes it seems that miracles do happen at Christmas time.

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Author's additional notes: 

-This could have been done on Valentine's day, Erath day or any other day, But I thought why not On Christmas Eve.

-I hope you like this and I'll push one of these out every Christmas till I kroak!

Have a Merry Christmas and great New year!

dennisud


End file.
